My Mother always said:

Question:

Mary, I’m sorry that someone did such a horrid thing to you. It is indefensible and inexcusable. I know how the tiniest hint of flame can scorch my heart at times, and I hurt just thinking how it must have affected you. I truly appreciate you being part of this group, whether you hurt horribly at the time or not. Granted I’m new to this group, so according to the flamer have no rights?, but it is everyone who has helped me through some very rough times. Everyone’s experiences and descriptions have helped me so much. I had no one to relate to this ‘thing’ I endured before finding this group, including you. It’s as I tried to explain to someone a few days ago — If you’re pregnant you need to see a doctor, yes; but there is NOTHING quite like commiserating with another pregnant woman about swollen ankles and morning sickness and the blob feel. These are things that only another sufferer can relate to, and often the doctor does not; he/she helps in other ways. As migraine sufferers we need both and the experience of fellow sufferers. So I’d like to offer my personal thank you to you and hope it helps put out some of those flames. Pb I quit putting my e-mail address because of all the spam I started getting, but I’m sure it’s in deja somewhere. (PeaBee) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – And I’m sure your’s did too, " If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all" I’m sad, hurt and a little angry that we have lost another valued member of the group, that was a caring and compassionate contributor. I was surprised to hear that someone got *some* "not-so-nice" e-mail following a post to the group in which the poster, did some "whining" about being sick and tired of being sick and tired. Well, when I dared say something in public to the same person who had been flamed me several times since I’ve been here, I had several "nice" people think that it was okay to lambast me for daring to say something to the supposedly well-respected person who had privately flamed me several times. I’d just like to say that many people here would be very surprised about just who some of the people that have been privately flaming people, rather than giving them support. I think that it is specifically happening to anyone who offers any information that goes against the accepted "okay" things to discuss here (i.e., drug-only therapy). It was after that incident that I took a deep breath and revised my signature and vowed to not get into it with the here, but just plod on. Even though I’m not having out-of-control HA’s right now, I’ve been experiencing many stressful situations, and physical pain that I’m avoiding taking pain killers for, because I don’t want rebound HA’s from going off of pain killers. Yeah, got flamed for mentioning that — off topic. Not really though. <<snip Look, it helps sometimes to whine, to complain, to bitch, to cry!!!! That’s what the support part of the group is all about. That was the point I was trying to make that I got flamed for. It takes courage to pour out your feelings and ask for help. When it’s done, it’s usually done while in great pain. Everyone is and should feel welcome to let us know where they are hurting. No amount of Demeral can mask all the pain. Only support can help to ease some types of pain. And one tiny flame can burn off the soothing affects of many many supportive messages. To get e-mail back saying you should stop complaining is asinine. I agree. I have no idea who it is that I’m directing this too, but please!!!! If people don’t tell us that they are hurting, how the hell are we supposed to help. Hooray, hoorah. I agree. I thank you for pointing this out. I spent years, having to hold up a public face of non-pain with no one but my hubby and a few friends to confide in. This group is finally heading into the true support for migraineurs realm and I for one don’t want to see "drug only" talk here. Drugs can help dull the pain and take it away for a while, but support is invaluable. Information from fellow sufferers and "experts" on specific questions is not the *only* support there is. And no one can find that support, unless they feel free to seek it. Please remember, one bad message can sometimes tarnish all the good done thru many good messages.To add pain to some ones life is not why we’re here. I’ve been here two years and have never heard anyone complain too much. Yeah. that’s the kind of thing you’d expect a doctor to be telling you. Get used to it, "embrace the pain." That kind of hooey. If the offending people were having a bad day, which I’m inclined to believe, please e-mail back an apology. I could only hope. The nastiest one I got had falsified header information, and was to my email at work (main part of flame was that I was new to NG). I was able to track down their ISP via the IP address in the header. No I didn’t respond, since I at first only narrowed it down to a few possible regular posters, and found it more interesting to wait it out until the writing style proved out my suspicions. <<snip Yes, I’m mad and close minded on this. Well, I would wonder if you were open minded to people flaming HA sufferers seeking support here {8-} This doesn’t have anything to do with flaming spammers, or discussing netiquette. It has nothing to do with differing opinions or conflicting personalities. It’s one thing to argue/discuss newsgroup content and styles. It’s something else to tell someone that they aren’t supposed to hurt. We get enough of that from the outside world. We all feel guilty enough as it is, without being told here, to shut up and take it. What the *hell* is that!!! Hmm. I was also told that maybe I didn’t belong here, since my HA’s were mainly under control. Gee, more than 20 years of migraines doesn’t qualify me for this NG? I had breakthrough headaches when I first started posting here again a couple of months ago. Seems like almost everytime that I dare tell anyone what I’ve been able to do that has reduced my HA’s to almost nil, I get privately charred. Sorry for whining about flames. You’d think the change I made to my signature would have stopped the flames, duh (:- Notice: the information expressed herein is for entertaiment purposes only. Opinions are mine and not that of my employer. What works for me, may not work for anyone else. Seek the advice of a professional, do not rely solely on my personal experience for your HA needs. Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce Squirrels. — reply to ssch – at – ix – dot – netcom – dot – com — Mary S.

Response:

I’m kinda lost as to what this thread is about because, apparently, Bob’s initial post didn’t make it to my site. (No, Bob! Remember I *don’t* have you in a killfile! ;) Would someone please repost Bob’s original post? Thanks a bunch. Priscilla (who’s been privately flamed by some of the group members with the most "compassionate" reputations)

Response:

And I’m sure your’s did too, " If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all" I’m sad, hurt and a little angry that we have lost another valued member of the group, that was a caring and compassionate contributor. I was surprised to hear that someone got *some* "not-so-nice" e-mail following a post to the group in which the poster, did some "whining" about being sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Well, when I dared say something in public to the same person who had been flamed me several times since I’ve been here, I had several "nice" people think that it was okay to lambast me for daring to say something to the supposedly well-respected person who had privately flamed me several times. I’d just like to say that many people here would be very surprised about just who some of the people that have been privately flaming people, rather than giving them support. I think that it is specifically happening to anyone who offers any information that goes against the accepted "okay" things to discuss here (i.e., drug-only therapy). It was after that incident that I took a deep breath and revised my signature and vowed to not get into it with the here, but just plod on. Even though I’m not having out-of-control HA’s right now, I’ve been experiencing many stressful situations, and physical pain that I’m avoiding taking pain killers for, because I don’t want rebound HA’s from going off of pain killers. Yeah, got flamed for mentioning that — off topic. Not really though. <<snip Look, it helps sometimes to whine, to complain, to bitch, to cry!!!! That’s what the support part of the group is all about.

That was the point I was trying to make that I got flamed for. It takes courage to pour out your feelings and ask for help. When it’s done, it’s usually done while in great pain. Everyone is and should feel welcome to let us know where they are hurting. No amount of Demeral can mask all the pain. Only support can help to ease some types of pain.

And one tiny flame can burn off the soothing affects of many many supportive messages. To get e-mail back saying you should stop complaining is asinine. I agree. I have no idea who it is that I’m directing this too, but please!!!! If people don’t tell us that they are hurting, how the hell are we supposed to help.

Hooray, hoorah. I agree. I thank you for pointing this out. I spent years, having to hold up a public face of non-pain with no one but my hubby and a few friends to confide in. This group is finally heading into the true support for migraineurs realm and I for one don’t want to see "drug only" talk here. Drugs can help dull the pain and take it away for a while, but support is invaluable. Information from fellow sufferers and "experts" on specific questions is not the *only* support there is. And no one can find that support, unless they feel free to seek it. Please remember, one bad message can sometimes tarnish all the good done thru many good messages.To add pain to some ones life is not why we’re here. I’ve been here two years and have never heard anyone complain too much.

Yeah. that’s the kind of thing you’d expect a doctor to be telling you. Get used to it, "embrace the pain." That kind of hooey. If the offending people were having a bad day, which I’m inclined to believe, please e-mail back an apology.

I could only hope. The nastiest one I got had falsified header information, and was to my email at work (main part of flame was that I was new to NG). I was able to track down their ISP via the IP address in the header. No I didn’t respond, since I at first only narrowed it down to a few possible regular posters, and found it more interesting to wait it out until the writing style proved out my suspicions. <<snip Yes, I’m mad and close minded on this.

Well, I would wonder if you were open minded to people flaming HA sufferers seeking support here {8-} This doesn’t have anything to do with flaming spammers, or discussing netiquette. It has nothing to do with differing opinions or conflicting personalities. It’s one thing to argue/discuss newsgroup content and styles. It’s something else to tell someone that they aren’t supposed to hurt. We get enough of that from the outside world. We all feel guilty enough as it is, without being told here, to shut up and take it. What the *hell* is that!!!

Hmm. I was also told that maybe I didn’t belong here, since my HA’s were mainly under control. Gee, more than 20 years of migraines doesn’t qualify me for this NG? I had breakthrough headaches when I first started posting here again a couple of months ago. Seems like almost everytime that I dare tell anyone what I’ve been able to do that has reduced my HA’s to almost nil, I get privately charred. Sorry for whining about flames. You’d think the change I made to my signature would have stopped the flames, duh (:- Notice: the information expressed herein is for entertaiment purposes only. Opinions are mine and not that of my employer. What works for me, may not work for anyone else. Seek the advice of a professional, do not rely solely on my personal experience for your HA needs. Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce Squirrels. — reply to ssch – at – ix – dot – netcom – dot – com —

Mary S.

Response:

Way to go Bob! I am with you 100%. I bet most of our newsgroup whines less than 1% of what they are entitled to, especially compared to the level of pain we all endure. This is a SUPPORT group in case someone has forgotten and support is what we all need. Your friend, Fumi

well I don’t know…I’m a pretty good whiner… but at least when I feel good I try to help out a little Karen

Response:

looks like the person didnt get rid of you after all….. we are with you all the way even on the good and bad days….. vent, yell, hurt and yes tell us when you are feeling good also. (((((((((((((( BIG HUG ))))))))))))))))) from all of us that care… ronnie queen of hugs

Response:

Here’s what I know. I have just been going through a very tough time, and I felt guilty about whining. And I’ve been whining a ‘lot’. The love and support I got from you guys has done so much to help me get through this. I just don’t know how much worse it would have been without the understanding and the suggestions I’ve gotten. Everyday I drag myself to my keyboard to see what words of wisdom and caring thoughts are waiting for me. Had I been told to stop whining, or to knock it off and help somebody, I would have been devastated. I would have been afraid to look at my mail after that. This is where I came to whine, and this is where I got the help. If someone here can’t take someone being in pain, and can’t understand that whining to people who understand what we’re going through is a huge help…..well, then I think you’re in the wrong ng. Cyndi http://members.tripod.com/~cyn59/index.html

Response:

Hmm. I was also told that maybe I didn’t belong here, since my HA’s were mainly under control. Gee, more than 20 years of migraines doesn’t qualify me for this NG?

Well, I’m here. I don’t really suffer from migraines except ones that are triggered by my clusters. My clusters are now completely under control, so, so are my migraines. So, if that was the case, I really have no business here. I’m sure that a few people would like me to leave, but I think I’ll stick around awhile. I also think that 18 years of clusters gave me some info that may be of help to others and I know how important support is to one’s mental and physical health. Bob

Response:

Bob, Don’t you dare leave! Please please please please please please please please…..stay! Take care of you, Jackie K

Response:

Well, Mr.Wold, I’m in a nasty mood, and my head is pounding again, so…….don’t you even ‘think’ about making me come looking for you! You can ask my Melissa, if I have to go tracking you down, I promise it ain’t gonna be pretty!! (Did I sound tough?) Cyndi http://members.tripod.com/~cyn59/index.html

Response:

Ouch!!!! Let’s not meet in a dark corner when you’re in a bad mood:-) You scare me:-) Helen S

Response:

WEll I’d repost Bob’s if I could but I’m pretty sure I’m on Priscilla’s killfile anyway so this realy isn’t to priscilla but the group as a whole: I think at one time or another we have all been flamed. I agree with all that bob said and on several occasions have asked that the group put the support back in alt.support. I’m sorry for the pain that Mary had to deal with, but have been there myself and know that it’s a stronger person that can go on after the falmes. It doesn’t take a lot to be mean but it takes a special peron to be able to rise above the flames and keep going and growing Karen

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hmm. I was also told that maybe I didn’t belong here, since my HA’s were mainly under control. Gee, more than 20 years of migraines doesn’t qualify me for this NG? Well, I’m here. I don’t really suffer from migraines except ones that are triggered by my clusters. My clusters are now completely under control, so, so are my migraines. So, if that was the case, I really have no business here. I’m sure that a few people would like me to leave, but I think I’ll stick around awhile. I also think that 18 years of clusters gave me some info that may be of help to others and I know how important support is to one’s mental and physical health. Bob

I’d be sad if you went Bob. Helen S

Response:

I quit putting my e-mail address because of all the spam I started getting, but I’m sure it’s in deja somewhere. (PeaBee)

PeaBee, FYI, your email address is right up top in your message header, which is where all the spammers get it from. That’s why I changed mine in Options| Mail and News Preferences|Idendity. Change both of them that appear Take care, Charity Visit the Unofficial Magic Bus site: http://pw2.netcom.com/~slepcevc/magic.htm Remove NoJunkMail and replace with slepcevc

Response:

Charity, I guess I have to leave too. Since I now have more problems than just headaches, liver, thyroid, endomitriosis, polycystic ovaries, and high cholesterol. Is there such a group like that???? I couldn’t find it if there was. And averageing my migraine pain status, no way!! I do good to balance my checkbook, see 150.00 plus 100.00 minus 250.00 leaves a balance of 100.00. (that’s why my husband is worried about money) This group title did not specify what level of pain so Mary, welcome to the group. Charity, I like your sense of humor. Bod, you better be out there somewhere. Karen, your a doll, Marty, reve that Harley up and crank out more jokes. Jackie your so kind. Diane, thanks for caring, Barbara and Jane, what caring words, Ronnie, what a sense of humor and caring, Cyndi, grreat support sis, Lisa, what courage and support, Doug, wonderful dedication to others, Christy, caring and sweet, Willy, supportive and kind. And to all of those others who’s names have lept from my mind but not from my thoughts and prayers, you are kind, caring and supportive. Who are we to judge, least we be judged ourselves. Cynthia – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hmm. I was also told that maybe I didn’t belong here, since my HA’s were mainly under control. Gee, more than 20 years of migraines doesn’t qualify me for this NG? I had breakthrough headaches when I first started posting here again a couple of months ago. Seems like almost everytime that I dare tell anyone what I’ve been able to do that has reduced my HA’s to almost nil, I get privately charred. Boy Mary, you would think that being someone that was/is able to bring their HAs under control would make you all the more wanted in this NG. After all, you have found a "cocktail" that works, which is what others are looking for. And as for not belonging here because you are not suffering enough (my own words to your posting), well, then some of us who post here would also not belong here. People like Marty (Karen’s hubbans), others that I cannot remember at the moment (sorry) and also myself. But I am sure that I am already in some folks’ kill file, so it does not bother me. I guess by that reasoning we should all go to alt.support.headaches.migraine.MyPainIs.LessThanYours or some such. Heck, being an alt.* group, we could whip it up in a matter of minutes anyway, yea, that’s the ticket! Then anyone who has pain on a level of say less than 2.25 for 87.64 consecutive hours would be required to only read and/or post to that group, but once you pass over the minimum pain level (MPL), you would be permitted back into this group. We could have MPL police, whose sole job would be to watch their assigned group of posters postings to monitor the pain and duration levels. Only upon notification from them that someone has met the MPL would they be allowed back into this elite and time honored club. A club where people are literally paining themselves to join. In order for it to be really effective, we would have to put UserID and Password protection on access to this group. Just think, the higher the pain, the duller the brain, so in a way that would stop those with too high MPL from getting in here and "whining". That, too, would be good, cause then no one would have to worry about the .support. in this NGs name. Think of the traffic reduction. Then it could be renamed to alt.headaches.migraine., which would then need to have its MPL level adjusted Awh, shut up Charity!!! Back to your corner! Down girl, down! Charity Visit the Unofficial Magic Bus site: http://pw2.netcom.com/~slepcevc/magic.htm Remove NoJunkMail and replace with slepcevc

Response:

In article Yes, Karen, you are a special person to rise above the flames, and so is Mary, and many, many others in this group!

Thanks ! Now all we got to do is figure out a way to relieve the pain and not kill off your liver…. boy you don’t like making things easy do you? well okay ….we’ll just have to take it a step at a time and a minute at a time…but we’ll get you through this Your friend karen

Response:

now I feel left out! how come no one ever told me I didn’t belong here… they just told me to shut up Karen

Response:

Is it just me tonight or did people really take my sick-o humor seriously??? Nobody has to leave, and I surely am not advocating the rise in the sale of calculators! Charity

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hmm. I was also told that maybe I didn’t belong here, since my HA’s were mainly under control. Gee, more than 20 years of migraines doesn’t qualify me for this NG? I had breakthrough headaches when I first started posting here again a couple of months ago. Seems like almost everytime that I dare tell anyone what I’ve been able to do that has reduced my HA’s to almost nil, I get privately charred. now I feel left out! how come no one ever told me I didn’t belong here… they just told me to shut up Karen

Karen, if you were to *shut up," a ton of the smiles would be gone from here! We need the smiles! :-):-) Cookie Monster says so! Sage

Response:

Hava, I sure hope you understood that my post was heavily laden with pure sarcasm! There is _no way_ I really meant it in any serious vein. I say this cause I am a little uncertain if you are just continuing on with it or if you really took me seriously. I hope it is the former and not the latter. Take care and be HA free, Charity – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – The problem with this system Charity is that we would all get migraines if we didn’t have them already in the sheer energy it took to maintain it! What if my pain were a 2.34 level on Tuesday, 6.75 on Wednesday, and 4.56 on Thursday. I could average the three together, but if the Wed. headache lasted longer than the others, that wouldn’t really be fair, maybe I should weight it acccordingly. Wait! should I count the hours I am sleeping as well, if I have a headache when I go to sleep and when I wake up? Aaarrrgh! I feel my head hammering already! But of course, this could solve the absolutely ridiculus issue of people not being in enough pain to post in this newsgroup – because by the time they do the proper numbers and figure out which group to post it, they will have a headache. But of course then they may have to calculate the numbers over again, in account of their current headache. The bottom line is having to be in a certain pain level to post, as you pointed out so well, is pretty ridiculus. Just my two cents. Hava

Response:

Yes, Karen, you are a special person to rise above the flames, and so is Mary, and many, many others in this group! I attended a sunday school class today dealing with the book the 7 habits of highly effective people and we talked about making deposits and withdrawals in emotional bank accounts. You have to make enough deposits (positive things) into a person before you can take out a withdrawal (negative thing) or else you get overdrawn and thus that person has no positive experience to pull from and the result is hurt, anger and bitterness. I think this applies here somewhere. The more positives we can offer, and the fewer negatives, the more likely that the neg. comments will be taken constructively. Did I get this accross in the right way. It is meant positive and I sure learned to look at the amount of positive things I say to people I really care about as opposed to the negative. Ok, here’s a positive for everyone’s bank account : Migraines are painful,horrible things. ’Anyone who can deal with this disease and still find humor in life and still support others as the people here do are wonderful, caring , compassionate human beings and I’m glad to know each of them!!’ Disclaimer : actuall cash value is less than 1/20 of a cent. Financial institutions will not accept this for cash transactions. Sorry cynthia – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m kinda lost as to what this thread is about because, apparently, Bob’s initial post didn’t make it to my site. (No, Bob! Remember I *don’t* have you in a killfile! ;) Would someone please repost Bob’s original post? Thanks a bunch. Priscilla (who’s been privately flamed by some of the group members with the most "compassionate" reputations) WEll I’d repost Bob’s if I could but I’m pretty sure I’m on Priscilla’s killfile anyway so this realy isn’t to priscilla but the group as a whole: I think at one time or another we have all been flamed. I agree with all that bob said and on several occasions have asked that the group put the support back in alt.support. I’m sorry for the pain that Mary had to deal with, but have been there myself and know that it’s a stronger person that can go on after the falmes. It doesn’t take a lot to be mean but it takes a special peron to be able to rise above the flames and keep going and growing Karen

Response:

You guys are a riot! I can’t keep up! My calculator is reeling! Take care of (all of ) you, Jackie K

Response:

says… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – For a listing of abbreviations, try: http://www.physik.uni-stuttgart.de/ExPhys/2.Phys.Inst./member/b.neben… (gee, I wish they would shorten that, it sure is long). The FWIW is "For What It’s Worth". I used to know the URL for a page that had all the emoticons, but I cannot seem to find it now. Thanks Charity, This will be a great help to me in deciphering some of the messages I read here. Jan

Hi Jan Another site you can try is: http://www.realtime.no/~hoie/net,htm I saved this to file and then printed it out. Makes decoding all the abreviations alot easier Hope this helps, Nancy — remove ‘?’ from address to email

Response:

Is it just me tonight or did people really take my sick-o humor seriously??? Nobody has to leave, and I surely am not advocating the rise in the sale of calculators!

Well heck Charity, I just spent the last day trying to program my Texas Instrument TI-85 calculator to figure out if I was in the group to post here. Now I find out this was all just a joke? I would put in that symbol for a wink, but I can’t remember what it is. By the way, could anyone post a short list of symbols used frequently so those of us that are not very computer literate can reference. I got a message the other day using FWIW but I don’t know what that means. Jan

Response:

now I feel left out! how come no one ever told me I didn’t belong here… they just told me to shut up Karen Karen, if you were to *shut up," a ton of the smiles would be gone from here! We need the smiles! :-):-) Cookie Monster says so! Sage

Hey they have to work a lot harder than that to shut me up! Just ask Marty! Karen

Response:

Filed under: Polycystic Ovaries

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

TrackBack URL | RSS feed for comments on this post.

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)

Frequently Asked Questions About Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)