Wife says NO when OTR.

Question:

Id like to add my 2 cents here.I think alot of you have jumped to the conclusion that there must be something wrong with her,why or how could she do this to him.Assumeing she must be the bad guy ect.. Maybe it hasnt accured to most but some women have very painful menstral cycles and sex or the thought of sex isnt really on her mind. Also I doubt that LONG STINTS was an accurate staement but more of a frustration statement and over exagerarted. Perhaps he shouldnt be so demanding as it seems to me he is being.What is wrong with her haveing a week of not wanting to through 30 or 31 days a months? Cant he just be understanding and wait for her to feel better and more giveing and then be rewarded for being there and patient with her. Maybe he feels like he’s getting to little in the oral area and wants to use that as an excuse to get her to do it for him?? Maybe she just really doesnt enjoy doing it at all and at those times decides to reject him rather then pretend.I mean we can all come up with what if’s and such but I think that these days theres alot of jumping on the person who isnt here to tell their side. Bobo =) True to form my dear. Now to the poster I want also to say this… If you want your wife to be good and kind to you then first you must check to see if your giveing what you wish to recieve. Maybe you could cuddle up in the morning on such a day (please STOP calling it "on the rag!!" its a bit childish)and have a little play time and IF she does do something for you make sure you show your appreciation,get up take a quick shower,get her into a nice shower and make her some breakfast. If she doesnt!!! dont lose your cool,if you get upset with her for it then she will only feel like your saying she HAS to and then she will object even more. She is your wife,you love her with all your heart,you also deserve what you need to be happy but not at the cost of HER happiness.Compromise with feelings AND brain rather then just one or the other.Both men and women need to do this much much more.ME INCLUDED!! Good luck but still it is only a week a month…. Tanya JimInFL <golfnut1…@my-deja.com> wrote in message

news:7qoll7$evn$1@nnrp1.deja.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> How many of you cut your hubby off completely when its that time of the > month? Mine just shuts down completely, nothing oral or otherwise. > Its always a long stint each month. Any sugestions? > — > While Genius and Stupidity have a lot in common.. > One important difference to note is that Genius > has its limits. > Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ > Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

Jim, I have a suggestion. (I don’t have time to read the entire thread on this, so maybe someone else has already made this suggestion, but, oh well.) I’ll bet you that she once had a boyfriend/former husband/SO/whatever who, when SHE wanted to have sex once while on her period, the guy said, "WHAT??? Are you INSANE?? That’s disgusting!" Hence, her reluctance. And while you might be saying, "But I’m not reluctant!" I can tell you that, once a "that’s gross" idea is in a person’s psyche, it’s very, very difficult to get rid of it. Only time, patience, caring, etc., will do the trick. A related question: What do you do for HER during that time? (I’m assuming your question isn’t just, "Hey, she won’t get me off when she’s on the rag.") What I mean is, work on her. Drive her crazy. SHOW her that her period isn’t something awful to YOU. Touch her "down there," do whatever. Are you against the idea of intercourse while she’s menstruating? Because you don’t really say. BTW, I read your post to my darling husband. He said, "It comes down to this: Is it a mental reason or a physical reason? Because if it’s a physical reason, he’s fucked. Deal with it. But if it’s mental, he’s gotta show her that … he means well …" How’d he get so smart? Well, I was married once before. To a guy of the "I don’t trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn’t die" school. I got over it after I married my DH. (This is the same guy, BTW, who finally convinced me that cunnilingus IS a gift from the gods …) I LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!! Heather – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -JimInFL wrote: > How many of you cut your hubby off completely when its that time of the > month? Mine just shuts down completely, nothing oral or otherwise. > Its always a long stint each month. Any sugestions? > — > While Genius and Stupidity have a lot in common.. > One important difference to note is that Genius > has its limits. > Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ > Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

Hi Brenda, Welcome to the group. momalot – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -BrenL26 wrote: > This isn’t always true. I have Polycystic Ovaries, and that time of the month > is VERY painful with cramps and tons of bleeding. I’m usually in bed (alone) > for the first couple of days. My Period lasts for about 10 days (I have about > 3 periods a year.. lol)… and I don’t exactly feel very sexy during those > days, so no sex for me either. But look out on that 11th or 12th day…… God > help him! <laugh> > Brenda, (who’s new to this NG)

Response:

I’m not Jewish, but I believe their Talmudic laws prohibit intercourse when the woman is menstruating, and for a number of days thereafter. These are her "unclean" days. Hmpph. Also, according to Mosaic law, a woman is "unclean" for (please forgive me if I get the number wrong; I’m not a biblical scholar) 30 days following the birth of a son, but *60* days following the birth of a daughter (I guess having a girl baby is messier?). –Welmoed P.S. there’s a wonderful alternative to tampons on the market: it’s called "Instead" and it looks a lot like a diaphragm but isn’t meant for birth control. I use them and they are great!!!! I think their website is http://www.instead.com. They make sex during "that time" a lot less messy! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -floridanewbie wrote: > On 03 Sep 1999 08:48:56 PDT, Gidget <gidgetoli…@hotmail.com> wrote: > >JimInFL wrote: > >> How many of you cut your hubby off completely when its that time of the > >> month? Mine just shuts down completely, nothing oral or otherwise. > >> Its always a long stint each month. Any sugestions? > >Personally… and I’m not trying to be mean, I think she’s using her "time > >of the month" as an excuse. > This may sound a little strange coming from a guy but I knew a woman who > had been married over ten years and who had three kids who honestly > believed that there was a biblical injunction against having sex during > this time and that it was physically impossible anyhow. > She and her husband belonged to a fundamentalist church with lots of > strict rules – their idea of marriage counseling was to tell the woman > to submit to her husband’s every desire, no matter how much pain she was > in during intercourse. She did not know intimate relations could be > exciting and pleasant! I suggested some books to read and a talk with > her doctor … even with two college degrees and a Masters, she was > shocked to find out how many years she had wasted in ignorance. > Floridanewbie

Response:

>The thing is, if the woman doesn’t want it, period, she needs to come up with >excuses because the "I’m not in the mood" line would only work 2 or 3 times >max. >After that, I guess the man would start questioning, "why aren’t you in the >mood >THIS TIME??" The headache excuse can only be used so many times. Then it’s >the >cramps, the tummyache, waking the baby, the kids can hear, the dog is >staring, >etc., etc.

Yeah, the female of the species is allowed to have numerous excuses, but the male is supposed to jump to it when she beckons. So you end up having sex only when she says you can. That sux ————————————————————————— She’s a dancer, a romancer..I’m a Capricorn and she’s a cancer..

Response:

OMG!!!! This is SO funny….. >The dog is staring? wrote in message

news:37D034BE.82F689FD@hotmail.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> momalot wrote: > > I wonder why women feel like they have to have an > > excuse. Why not say, you are not in the mood, but maybe tomorrow. > > I think if women would just tell their SO that they didn’t want to because > > they are not in the mood, men would not get so upset about all the "excuses". > The thing is, if the woman doesn’t want it, period, she needs to come up with > excuses because the "I’m not in the mood" line would only work 2 or 3 times max. > After that, I guess the man would start questioning, "why aren’t you in the mood > THIS TIME??" The headache excuse can only be used so many times. Then it’s the > cramps, the tummyache, waking the baby, the kids can hear, the dog is staring, > etc., etc.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>The thing is, if the woman doesn’t want it, period, she needs to come up with >>excuses because the "I’m not in the mood" line would only work 2 or 3 times >>max. >>After that, I guess the man would start questioning, "why aren’t you in the >>mood >>THIS TIME??" The headache excuse can only be used so many times. Then it’s >>the >>cramps, the tummyache, waking the baby, the kids can hear, the dog is >>staring, >>etc., etc. >Yeah, the female of the species is allowed to have numerous excuses, but the >male is supposed to jump to it when she beckons. So you end up having sex only >when she says you can. That sux

You sure got it out for "WOMEN" dont you? EVERY post has something to do with sex or the lack there of and OF COURSE it’s a woman thing, HAve you ever posted something thats wasnt a derogatory statement towards "the female of the species"? Boundaries and walls…. What you have done to change your situation to make it better.? If all has failed, there are ALWAYS some alternatives you know, Tazz Reply to Bry…@ix.netcom.com ICQ# 12098561

Response:

katie, That was a really neat post. momalot – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -kati…@my-deja.com wrote: > Frankly when I suffer from menstrual cramps, aches and bloated feeling, > I > don’t want sex. All I want is to hug and cuddle and share a different > type > of intimacy. In its way it a special time of the month for us. Every > now and > then we do engage in some sexual activity but it is strictly > to please my > husband. I feel no guilt over my lack of desire at that > time and it would > not occur to my husband to complain. Its only when > we allow ourselves to > accept a lack of desire at some time that we can > appreciate its blossoming > at other times. Each couple > develops their own rhythm for sex and intimacy > and we enjoy all different > facets of it, each at its own time. Remember that > a month has many > days. Your mail, though, made me appreciate my husband in > a way > that I had not appreciated before. > Katie > In article > <7qoll7$ev…@nnrp1.deja.com>, > JimInFL <golfnut1…@my-deja.com> wrote: > How many of you cut your hubby off completely when its that time of the > month? Mine just shuts down completely, nothing oral or otherwise. > > Its > always a long stint each month. Any sugestions? > > — > > While Genius and > Stupidity have a lot in common.. > > One important difference to note is that > Genius > > has its limits. > > Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ > > Share > what you know. Learn what you don’t. > Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ > Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

Shoot. In the days when she had periods, we just put an old towel under her and didn’t worry any more about it. We weren’t going to go 1 week a month without making love.

Response:

No, it doesn’t!!!!! Heather, who finds the balance of power to be JUST WHERE IT SHOULD BE, thankyouverymuch. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Bobodean wrote: > >The thing is, if the woman doesn’t want it, period, she needs to come up with > >excuses because the "I’m not in the mood" line would only work 2 or 3 times > >max. > >After that, I guess the man would start questioning, "why aren’t you in the > >mood > >THIS TIME??" The headache excuse can only be used so many times. Then it’s > >the > >cramps, the tummyache, waking the baby, the kids can hear, the dog is > >staring, > >etc., etc. > Yeah, the female of the species is allowed to have numerous excuses, but the > male is supposed to jump to it when she beckons. So you end up having sex only > when she says you can. That sux > ————————————————————————— > She’s a dancer, a romancer..I’m a Capricorn and she’s a cancer..

Response:

Maybe his wife has unusually long periods. Does he even know what a normal period is? Or maybe he’s just complaining about not getting any for FIVE ENTIRE DAYS a month, or whatever. I think he needs to ask HER more about the situation, and not assume that she’s lying to him somehow. That turns it into a trust issue, which it ain’t, yet, in my opinion. It’s still in the "poor communication" stage. Heather – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Gidget wrote: > I agree with you. But what made me think she was using her time of the month as > an excuse, was the line where he said "It’s always a long stint each month." > Althea wrote: > > Well, that all depends. We tend not to do anything in the beginning cause I > > feel so crappy and am in pain, so I’m not in the mood. Some women have really > > heavy ones at the beginning or a couple of days in so it would be messier than > > they’d like to deal with (you could still help *him* out a little, though). > > Or, it could just be an excuse. > > DH and I have worked around things during that time on several occasions and > > last summer when I was antibiotics (that affects the pill) after we tried > > condoms and HATED THEM, we found ways to get around the situation and still be > > satisfied. > > Althea > > In article <37CFEDE2.5917E…@hotmail.com>, Gidget <gidgetoli…@hotmail.com> > > wrote: > > >JimInFL wrote: > > >> How many of you cut your hubby off completely when its that time of the > > >> month? Mine just shuts down completely, nothing oral or otherwise. > > >> Its always a long stint each month. Any sugestions? > > >Personally… and I’m not trying to be mean, I think she’s using her "time > > >of the month" as an excuse.

Response:

This isn’t always true. I have Polycystic Ovaries, and that time of the month is VERY painful with cramps and tons of bleeding. I’m usually in bed (alone) for the first couple of days. My Period lasts for about 10 days (I have about 3 periods a year.. lol)… and I don’t exactly feel very sexy during those days, so no sex for me either. But look out on that 11th or 12th day…… God help him! <laugh> Brenda, (who’s new to this NG)

Response:

When I was growing up the community was mostly people who belonged to the Apostolic Lutheren Church, and they don’t believe in birth control, the women are not allowed to wear makeup or cut there hair, no TV, no radio, and that God comes first, man second, women 3rd, and the women never stand up to a man, and are very subserviant. The men did what they wanted to their wife. No divorce was allowed or you would be kicked out of the church. I had a lot of friends that were from this church, and if a bunch of girls got together and did something, the beer, and the cigarettes were flying, and they cussed, and were wild, but if one boy showed up, they put their cloth back on their heads and were quiet. I felt so sorry for them, because most of them were dying to be what society calls, "normal". Even though the church has told them no sex before marriage, the women were to scared to stand up to the men, and alot of them had been raped, or forced into sex by their betrothed while still a minor. Parents matched up their kids while they were still young, and they couldn’t marry any one else. momalot – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -floridanewbie wrote: > On 03 Sep 1999 08:48:56 PDT, Gidget <gidgetoli…@hotmail.com> wrote: > >JimInFL wrote: > >> How many of you cut your hubby off completely when its that time of the > >> month? Mine just shuts down completely, nothing oral or otherwise. > >> Its always a long stint each month. Any sugestions? > >Personally… and I’m not trying to be mean, I think she’s using her "time > >of the month" as an excuse. > This may sound a little strange coming from a guy but I knew a woman who > had been married over ten years and who had three kids who honestly > believed that there was a biblical injunction against having sex during > this time and that it was physically impossible anyhow. > She and her husband belonged to a fundamentalist church with lots of > strict rules – their idea of marriage counseling was to tell the woman > to submit to her husband’s every desire, no matter how much pain she was > in during intercourse. She did not know intimate relations could be > exciting and pleasant! I suggested some books to read and a talk with > her doctor … even with two college degrees and a Masters, she was > shocked to find out how many years she had wasted in ignorance. > Floridanewbie

Response:

Frankly when I suffer from menstrual cramps, aches and bloated feeling, I don’t want sex. All I want is to hug and cuddle and share a different type of intimacy. In its way it a special time of the month for us. Every now and then we do engage in some sexual activity but it is strictly to please my husband. I feel no guilt over my lack of desire at that time and it would not occur to my husband to complain. Its only when we allow ourselves to accept a lack of desire at some time that we can appreciate its blossoming at other times. Each couple develops their own rhythm for sex and intimacy and we enjoy all different facets of it, each at its own time. Remember that a month has many days. Your mail, though, made me appreciate my husband in a way that I had not appreciated before.
Katie
In article <7qoll7$ev…@nnrp1.deja.com>,
JimInFL <golfnut1…@my-deja.com> wrote:
> How many of you cut your hubby off completely when its that time of the
> month? Mine just shuts down completely, nothing oral or otherwise.
> Its always a long stint each month. Any sugestions?
> > –
> While Genius and Stupidity have a lot in common..
> One important difference to note is that Genius
> has its limits.
> > Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
> Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.
> Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

On 03 Sep 1999 08:48:56 PDT, Gidget <gidgetoli…@hotmail.com> wrote: >JimInFL wrote: >> How many of you cut your hubby off completely when its that time of the >> month? Mine just shuts down completely, nothing oral or otherwise. >> Its always a long stint each month. Any sugestions? >Personally… and I’m not trying to be mean, I think she’s using her "time >of the month" as an excuse.

This may sound a little strange coming from a guy but I knew a woman who had been married over ten years and who had three kids who honestly believed that there was a biblical injunction against having sex during this time and that it was physically impossible anyhow. She and her husband belonged to a fundamentalist church with lots of strict rules – their idea of marriage counseling was to tell the woman to submit to her husband’s every desire, no matter how much pain she was in during intercourse. She did not know intimate relations could be exciting and pleasant! I suggested some books to read and a talk with her doctor … even with two college degrees and a Masters, she was shocked to find out how many years she had wasted in ignorance. Floridanewbie

Response:

momalot wrote: > I wonder why women feel like they have to have an > excuse. Why not say, you are not in the mood, but maybe tomorrow. > I think if women would just tell their SO that they didn’t want to because > they are not in the mood, men would not get so upset about all the "excuses".

The thing is, if the woman doesn’t want it, period, she needs to come up with excuses because the "I’m not in the mood" line would only work 2 or 3 times max. After that, I guess the man would start questioning, "why aren’t you in the mood THIS TIME??" The headache excuse can only be used so many times. Then it’s the cramps, the tummyache, waking the baby, the kids can hear, the dog is staring, etc., etc.

Response:

I agree with you. But what made me think she was using her time of the month as an excuse, was the line where he said "It’s always a long stint each month." – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Althea wrote: > Well, that all depends. We tend not to do anything in the beginning cause I > feel so crappy and am in pain, so I’m not in the mood. Some women have really > heavy ones at the beginning or a couple of days in so it would be messier than > they’d like to deal with (you could still help *him* out a little, though). > Or, it could just be an excuse. > DH and I have worked around things during that time on several occasions and > last summer when I was antibiotics (that affects the pill) after we tried > condoms and HATED THEM, we found ways to get around the situation and still be > satisfied. > Althea > In article <37CFEDE2.5917E…@hotmail.com>, Gidget <gidgetoli…@hotmail.com> > wrote: > >JimInFL wrote: > >> How many of you cut your hubby off completely when its that time of the > >> month? Mine just shuts down completely, nothing oral or otherwise. > >> Its always a long stint each month. Any sugestions? > >Personally… and I’m not trying to be mean, I think she’s using her "time > >of the month" as an excuse.

Response:

>How many of you cut your hubby off completely when its that time of the >month? Mine just shuts down completely, nothing oral or otherwise. >Its always a long stint each month. Any sugestions? >–

Your husband shuts down comepletly if you are happy 21 days out of 28 I think you better count your blessings

Response:

I agree gidget. But not all women are the same. It’s kind of funny, but I didn’t know that women had excuses for not having sex. Maybe I always want it and that makes a difference, but I never thought about when I am having my period, and after my cesarean sections I figured it was ok, because I didn’t have my babies vaginally, I didn’t know that a head ache can stop you, or children can stop you. I wonder why women feel like they have to have an excuse. Why not say, you are not in the mood, but maybe tomorrow. I think if women would just tell their SO that they didn’t want to because they are not in the mood, men would not get so upset about all the "excuses". Just my opinion of course. momalot – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Gidget wrote: > JimInFL wrote: > > How many of you cut your hubby off completely when its that time of the > > month? Mine just shuts down completely, nothing oral or otherwise. > > Its always a long stint each month. Any sugestions? > Personally… and I’m not trying to be mean, I think she’s using her "time > of the month" as an excuse.

Response:

Well, that all depends. We tend not to do anything in the beginning cause I feel so crappy and am in pain, so I’m not in the mood. Some women have really heavy ones at the beginning or a couple of days in so it would be messier than they’d like to deal with (you could still help *him* out a little, though). Or, it could just be an excuse. DH and I have worked around things during that time on several occasions and last summer when I was antibiotics (that affects the pill) after we tried condoms and HATED THEM, we found ways to get around the situation and still be satisfied. Althea In article <37CFEDE2.5917E…@hotmail.com>, Gidget <gidgetoli…@hotmail.com> wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->JimInFL wrote: >> How many of you cut your hubby off completely when its that time of the >> month? Mine just shuts down completely, nothing oral or otherwise. >> Its always a long stint each month. Any sugestions? >Personally… and I’m not trying to be mean, I think she’s using her "time >of the month" as an excuse.

Response:

If she is GOOD to you the rest of the time, cut her some slack. Most of the women I have talked to on this subject have strong opinions on this subject. Some do, some don’t. But I sure wouldn’t want to have any kind of sex if I had cramps. Fcts are facts. If she doesn’t want to THEN there are ways to supplement your drives. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -JimInFL wrote in message <7qoll7$ev…@nnrp1.deja.com>… >How many of you cut your hubby off completely when its that time of the >month? Mine just shuts down completely, nothing oral or otherwise. >Its always a long stint each month. Any sugestions? >– >While Genius and Stupidity have a lot in common.. >One important difference to note is that Genius >has its limits. >Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ >Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

Have you talked to her or asked her why she does this? Does she even realize she does this? Maybe she gets really grumpy during this time and is avoiding you to avoid taking out her mood on you… Has she always been like this (when you were dating)? Melissa * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

JimInFL wrote: > How many of you cut your hubby off completely when its that time of the > month? Mine just shuts down completely, nothing oral or otherwise. > Its always a long stint each month. Any sugestions?

Personally… and I’m not trying to be mean, I think she’s using her "time of the month" as an excuse.

Response:

Time to slam the ham bud, or pet the porpoise. JimInFL <golfnut1…@my-deja.com> wrote in message

Response:

How many of you cut your hubby off completely when its that time of the month? Mine just shuts down completely, nothing oral or otherwise. Its always a long stint each month. Any sugestions? — While Genius and Stupidity have a lot in common.. One important difference to note is that Genius has its limits. Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Share what you know. Learn what you don’t.

Response:

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Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)

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